Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
