drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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