We're facebook friends in real life
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
