Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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