I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
