I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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