Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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