this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And my parents said I crawled through the house
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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