I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
