We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
