I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
