I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
