I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We had sex on a dog bed..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
