DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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