Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
