nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
