be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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