Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
