So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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