FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
