just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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