the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
