Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
