I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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