you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
