Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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