My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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