I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
