o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
