Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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