Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
