Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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