mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
