are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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