I only kidnapped one of them. chill
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
