You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So. Much. Porn.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
