We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
