Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
