he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
