The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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