Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
