I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
