Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
