I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
