Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You left your phone here
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