I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
