Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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