the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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