u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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