I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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