It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm always down for nudity.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
