Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
