He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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