i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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