i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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