dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
