Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
