I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
