the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
