You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
