I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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