I just pynch a tree in the face
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
