the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
