put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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