how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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