I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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