I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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