were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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