Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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