I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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