im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
