remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
