good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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